It doesn't ever fail to surprise me how the human nature is so designed to adapt itself to the craziest of situations. And living in this city just goes on to prove this every single day. We have had a million fortunes (or rather misfortunes) of encountering the worst situations a nation can ever face - from minor disruptions such as power grid failures, breakdown of the train transport, potholes full of roads in between; to severe tragedies like strikes, floods and repeated terrorist attacks. Yet, what is truly astounding is the ability of the city to rise up from the dead every damn time and give it back to those who ever thought of it as a goner.
Well, in this space I'm not gonna write what we already know. This post is to rejoice and relive and perhaps even ponder over our (more often than not WEIRD) reactions and attitude towards the various challenges the city throws at us on a daily basis. This space is for my fellow Mumbaikars.
Let's begin from the beginning.
Mr. Hassled wakes up in the morning to a bright sunny day that instantly lifts up his spirits and for a little while he does not care about the many troubles of his life. He is optimistic that the day is set to be one of those smooth and easy ones without any glitches whatsoever. With this positive frame of mind he pours himself a nice warm cup of coffee and switches on the television to catch up on the early morning news. He tunes into one of the million new news channels to catch up on the Fatafat 50 headlines. The first few were about the gang rape cases in his city and the headlines went on to blame the government for the worsening safety situations for women in the country. Mr. Hassled couldn't agree more and himself mumbled a a couple of of inefficiencies of the government. The next few top news revolved around a famous celebrity being caught in a conspiracy, and left Mr. Hassled open mouthed. Then came the world news section and there were news about civil wars in other parts of the country, about the petrol prices rising steeply for the nth time in the year (again Mr. Hassled took the opportunity to blame the government for this) and some other irrelevant matters not concerning him directly in any way, that bored him and he was about to switch when came his favourite sports section. Today the news showcased the cycling rally in some country and apparently the chief guest - the prime minister himself - had participated too but had had a really funny fall while at it. The headlines, needless to say, did not miss a chance to point this out in the most awful manner possible (unless you feel something like "Rashtrapati hue Dhadam!" to be the right way to put it). Mr. Hassled couldn't control laughing out loud. He thoroughly had his share of fun watching the multiple replays of the poor chap falling off. His day had just gotten better with the humor slipping in so early on. He turned off the television and set off to get ready to leave for work.
Mr. Hassled worked in a private company which was located right in the opposite corner of the city from his home, and he needed to commute a nice one hour minimum each day to get to office. He normally preferred the train - which meant he had to take an auto to get to the station. Today, however, when he stepped out of the house, the road seemed abnormally empty. He couldn't help wondering what was wrong. Finally, curiosity got the better of him and he approached a fellow passerby if something was the matter today. 'Yes of course, don't you know it was the auto-rickshaw strike today?' told the man and walked off, leaving Mr. Hassled open mouthed for the second time in the day. He could not believe it - after all, hadn't it been just a month since the last strike? And why was nothing mentioned about it in the morning news? Atleast he could have left a little sooner had he known. Mr. Hassled began walking to the bus stop, cursing the news channels along the way for showing all the non-sense news all day long and missing out on the ones that truly matter.
He reached the bus stop after walking for about 5 minutes, only to see one bus leaving right before his eyes. His happy day was not seeming so happy anymore. He had to wait another 5 minutes before finally getting another bus. He was now really worried about missing his regular 9 am train. If he missed that, it would mean he would have to cross the bridge and get the next slow train - which would not only take longer but would also be more crowded. He got even more upset when he saw a long line of traffic piling up right in front of his bus. He began to fidget in his seat and couldn't resist cursing the system once again to the passenger in the seat next to him. At last, when he was about 50 metres from his destination, he realized the bus was not going to move further for at all for another five minutes minimum. Looking at his watch, he quickly calculated that the only way he would be able to get his 9 am train was if he got down right now and walked up the remaining distance. Without any second thoughts, he began pushing through all the passengers standing before him and squeezing his way between the thin and the fat and the sweaty and the ugly crowd all waiting to alight at the same stop as Mr. Hassled himself. Each one gave him a dirty look when he tried to bypass them. A couple of them would have even sworn at him, but our dear Mr. Hassled was all too hassled to take notice.
Somehow, he finally managed to get down. Not wasting even a second, he quickly paced up to the station and onto the platform where his train was to arrive any minute now! When he reached the platform he eagerly looked up at the indicator, praying for it to still show his train and not the next one. To his dismay, it did not show his train. To his surprise, it did not show any other train either. The indicator read "00:00".
What did it mean? He looked around to see if other platforms also had similar reads on their indicators. Yes, they all did. Then he heard it. The announcement came on in 3 languages - each confirming repeatedly, the cancellation of his beloved 9 am fast. His first reaction was disappointment. His next reaction was anger. His third reaction was panic and that made him rush to the main indicator to check if there were any trains slated to depart anytime soon. Thankfully, there was one on the opposite platform, and was to depart in another 2 minutes. Mr. Hassled wasted no time and rushed to the foot-over bridge to get tot he other side of the platform - only to find that he was not the only one rushing. The bridge was filled with a mad crowd of at least a 1,000 people all trying to get the same train as him. But our Mr. Hassled was far too experienced to be threatened by such scenarios. He took one look at the section of the platform he intended to reach (almost like vulture eyeing its prey) and gathered a renewed determination to reach there and get the train no matter what! And get in he did! Well, technically he was in - even though half his body was hanging outside clutching tightly onto the pole for support. But with his years worth of experience, it was barely two minutes before he was well inside, in the middle of the pool of a million other passengers tightly squeezed into every open inch of the compartment.
As it often happens at such times, the trains run very very slowly, taking almost twice the time than normal. There would be a dozen signals on the way and sometimes, to top it off, the fans in the compartment would refuse to work - only adding to the frustration of the already frustrated passengers. The same was the case with Mr. Hassled. He could not believe his luck. First the auto rickshaws, then the trains. What was next? He feared the mere thought that something could get worse than this. He tried to wait patiently imagining and longing at the same time for the cool comfort of his chair in his air conditioned office.
An hour passed by and the train was only halfway there. Another half hour passed by and still not there. Another fifteen minutes. Another five. Then at last he was there. The last station! Mr. Hassled rushed out quickly, almost jogging over the foot-over bridge and out onto the roads. Mr. Hassled couldn't have been more relieved. He had already informed his boss of his late arrival. To his surprise, his boss was also going through something similar and for a change showed some empathy towards Mr. Hassled. Having the office bit sorted, Mr. Hassled now walked with a little more patience than he would have otherwise. Patience also made him focus on other matters he had ignored for the last hour. He was hungry! He looked around to spot the several food stalls by the side of the road selling a variety of delicacies - from idlis and medu wadas to wada pavs and samosa pavs, from chats to salads and not to mention fruit juices too! Mr. Hassled quickly ordered a fruit salad (he had recently taken up dieting after his female colleague had made a passing comment that made him extremely conscious of his extra flabs). He began munching on the pineapple and watermelon while walking. Of course, the seeds in water melon were discarded carelessly at the side of the road. The plants growing at those spots in the next few days would be our Mr. Hassled's contribution to making better the rapidly deteriorating ecological balance of planet earth.
At 10:50 am, Mr. Hassled finally reached his office - more than an hour later than a normal day. He looked around to notice that several other people were also just about arriving. The next half hour was spent in discussing the havoc and the varied experiences of a dozen other colleagues. When he finally got to his desk to begin work, his last thought was a relief that the next day was a holiday owing to the elections in the city. Well, finally a day off with nothing to worry about - he would wake up late and laze around the entire day, watch television and sleep tonnes. With these day dreams at the back of his mind, Mr. Hassled got to work.
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So what was so weird about Mr. Hassled or his attitude that we must ponder about? Nothing at all! This snapshot of a day in Mr. Hassled's life just gives us a refresher about a few of the justified reactions (or rather our RIGHTS) to a crisis situation:
- We have full right to enjoy baseless and nonsensical news shows and make them popular overnight. However, we are also obliged to accuse them of not reporting the important news and focusing on our entertainment more than our needs
- Anything that does not concern one directly can be looked down / mocked / laughed upon or just simply ignored
- It is also our duty to curse the system at every given opportunity. This duty must not be accompanied in any form of contribution towards bringing about a change in system
- Strikes may happen anytime, anywhere. Public transport can also go for a toss anytime anywhere. One must always be ready to dodge these situations without accusing the government. An action to make things right is completely unacceptable - well it is definitely unheard of so assumption is that it would be unacceptable
- It is okay to not be aware of the concept of a queue when living in a city. Such concepts are designed to bring about orderliness which ruin the madness of the city (which is a core characteristic and must not be fidgeted with). Instead, when encountering a crowd ahead, one is free to resort to any form of pushing and abusing to make way for himself / herself
- While the slogan says "Green Mumbai, Clean Mumbai", it is okay to compromise the latter half to achieve the first half. Thereby, any form of contribution towards making Mumbai a green city is acceptable. One may not worry about location fit of plantations for bringing about this super essential change in environment
- Any national / special holiday is meant to be enjoyed purely as a leisure day and one need not burden himself / herself with moral obligations that accompany such days
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